Mustard Seed Faith

In late August of 2001 we realized something was wrong with my Mom. Her skin had taken on a yellowish color and even the whites of her eyes looked this way. We were quite certain that something was wrong with her liver. She went through testing and in a cat scan they found that she had a mass in her pancreas. They believed this mass to be a tumor. A tumor found in the pancreas is almost always cancerous. We were told that a person does not live long with pancreatic cancer. So the outlook by doctors was not good. We prayed for my Mom at this point and believed God for her healing. She was scheduled to go into the hospital to have a lighted scope run down her throat into the area of the pancreas. A specialist had been called into to do this procedure. When the doctor came into the waiting room after the procedure he said everything looked normal. I asked " What about the tumor?" His reply was, "I do not know anything about a tumor.” He explained he had not looked at the CAT scan. He said he found no mass or sign of cancer at this point. We praised God for her healing!

The doctors still did more testing to find out why she was jaundice. Then they said they now believed she had a mass in the duct between her liver and pancreas. They said that this mass was causing her liver to back up and that is why she was jaundice. They believed this mass to be cancerous. They said any tumors found in this area always are. They wanted to go in to look to make sure but they told us that since she had had so many surgeries that she had so much scar tissue that it was a risk to even do the surgery. If it was cancer, as they believed it to be she would not last long after the surgery once the tumor (cancer) had been exposed to the air. So they put a tube in her side directly into her liver to drain the fluid off. Within a few days her coloring returned to normal and she was sent home.

Once she returned home her doctor put her on Hospice care after that. (Home Health Care) She no longer saw her regular doctor but a nurse twice a week which reported directly to the doctor. She was put on morphine for pain and all they wanted to do was keep her comfortable. Most of the time they had her so over medicated that she did not know what was even going on around her. I remember for 3 days straight we could not even get fluids down her. She did not even have control of the muscles in her throat to swallow even water. Even going to the bathroom could not be done without assistance because she could not support her own weight. It was frightening to think of her spending the remainder of her life in this kind of state.

My Dad has always been a person with very strong faith and nothing usually gets him down. I recall one day in particular when I went to visit my Mom and Dad and he was just not his usual self. He sat down at the table to talk to me and he couldn't even look up from the table to talk to me. He just broke. I rarely have seen my Dad cry and it was all I could do to contain myself. I would normally try to comfort someone when I was placed in this situation. But I knew if I spoke one word I would break and I did not think this is what my Dad needed from me. He needed me to be the strong one now. After I was able to get a hold of my emotions I hugged him and told him to trust in God, that he was in control.

With all this going on in my family it was at this time that the terrorist attack of September 11 happened. Watching the news was heartbreaking and it was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. I couldn't handle anymore. I wasn't sleeping and found myself crying all the time for no reason. I was ok when it I was up moving around and keeping occupied but when I would try to go to sleep I would have panic attacks. I went through this for a period of two weeks. My husband was concerned that I was going to work myself into a nervous breakdown. I can honestly say I don't remember ever being in such a depressed state before with such a feeling of hopelessness. I have always considered myself to be a person of strong faith and always looking to for the positive side of the situation. Now I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach and the wind had been knocked out of me. Every night I would stay up and read my bible. It was the only thing that gave me comfort. In searching the scriptures and praying I realized that I was allowing the devil to take control. Once I realized this I said "NO MORE." I asked God to forgive me for my lack of faith. God not only forgave me but gave me a renewed strength and hope. He was my rock to stand on.

In the scriptures Hebrews 11:1 it says, For faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. This scripture and others would be my strength for the weeks to come. I prayed for my Moms healing and so did others and we put her in Gods hands. I also asked God to give me some time to spend with my Mom and let her know how much I loved her. I did not want any regrets or things left unsaid. I wanted to spend Christmas with her. God knew my hearts desires and I prayed for his will and I would accept whatever it would be.

My Moms condition seemed to get better at times, she was alert but in pain most of the time. About two weeks before Christmas she developed a severe cold and she started to spit up black. Her nurse felt like this was just the cancer progressing at this point.

She was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. They discovered she had pneumonia. I was there when her doctor came in to talk to my Dad. He said unless she started to vomit he did not even want to put a tube down her throat for drainage. He said this would only make her uncomfortable. He said that with cancer she was prone to get infections and colds and this was another sign the cancer was progressing. He felt that the best thing to do was to make her comfortable as possible. He wanted my Dad to sign the paper to "Do Not Resuscitate." My Dads reply was that he wanted everything done to save her that could possibly be done and that was what my Mom wished. He then told my Dad that if he wanted her to be put on life support that he would have to ask them to find a different doctor. I kept pretty much silent to this point. I felt I had to say something then. I asked him if he knew that this was cancer for sure. I told him that my faith was in God and that I knew he was in control. He told me that this is what they believed it to be from all what was going on with my Mom. He could not be 100 percent certain without going in and doing a biopsy. Which my Mom had not wanted to do. He said he knows lots of Christian people with strong faith and they die from cancer and other things too. It is normal process of life. I only kept silent and smiled at him. Maybe he found that strange because the whole time I smiled at him when he was talking. I didn't have the gloom and doom he expected I guess. He then said "I will schedule another cat scan and this will tell us for certain how much the cancer has progressed. Later that night my Mom was taken down and they did a cat scan.

The next day her doctor came in and spoke to my Dad. The doctor came in smiling and shaking his head and all he said to my Dad was “The cat scan looks great, I see no signs of cancer!" "All I see is scar tissue that she has had to deal with for the last 15 years." We praise God for my Mom's healing!

My Mom is now home and no longer on home health care. She is now living her life like any normal person. But we will remember to Praise God for the miracle he has done in her life. When we are faced with trials and hard times that is when we grow the most. It is not when everything seems to be going our way. In those hard times is when we search out the answers and grow closer to God. I know this experience brought me to a closer walk with Jesus and strengthen my faith. It also taught me to tell the people I love how I feel about them. Don't just assume they know.

Have you ever notice how small a grain of mustard seed is?

Matthew 17:20
If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

I can do that..... And so can you.